 Recently, I was asked by a potential client what the difference between working with a pastoral counselor and working with a spiritual director was. One of my answers to this question is that generally speaking, a pastoral counselor is going to come from two very specific angles - that of the particular faith path they are on, and that of psychotherapy's aim "to help you feel better". While there are times when this may be exactly what a person wants, needs and is seeking, there are other times when a different path may be called for. Other times (or for other folks), these goals or focuses are less relevant, less helpful. And neither of these is the aim or orientation of a good spiritual director.
I should put a brief bit here about the term "spiritual director". It is an interesting title, as even spirtual directors themselves are at odds regarding its use; most poignantly because the word "director" is really a misnomer; the last thing a spiritual director does is "direct"! Rather, we follow your lead, uplift your spiritual path whatever it may be, sit with you in whatever YOU hold sacred, and remain present with you - whatever your struggles and celebrations along the way may be. Many of us, myself included, prefer the term "Spiritual Companion", for what we do as trained spiritual guides is more like a good friend along the path with you. . . yes, we have tools and skills that we offer as you go, but we are in no way "directing" you. I am very fond of this quote from Barbara Brown Taylor's “Learning to Walk in the Dark”; she says: “Maybe that is the difference between pastoral counselors and spiritual directors. We go to counselors when we want help getting out of the caves. We go to directors when we are ready to be led farther in.” As spiritual director, my own faith path is not central; but further, neither is the concept of "feeling better". From a spiritual companioning point of view, nothing is seen as separate from Source/Spirit/Oneness/God/Goddess/Nature/Universe (or whatever name you call to). Therefore, when a shadow or dark time is present, it is embraced as a gateway to that which Source offers to reveal to us; we ask repeatedly "where is the Divine in this?" We invite a deepening into, rather than a seeking of change. We walk with you, and assist you in navigating your moments in full presence, so that the Divine's messages to you may reveal themselves. And, sometimes surprisingly, they do. That which your deepest and most authentic self seeks to learn about itself, circumstance, or human interaction as if by magic unfolds itself to those who are courageous enough to walk or be lead "farther in" to the cave. And always, if one is willing, well supported, and truly seeking to unfold unto ever wiser and deeper truth, that truth presents itself. Working with a trained and experienced spiritual director/companion can be life-changing. To befriend one's darker caves, to trust in - or begin a relationship with - one's understanding of the sacred, can allow a new breadth of grace, peace and energy into life. Whether you feel you are in need of counseling (pastoral or otherwise), or spiritual companioning, I celebrate your readiness to heal and broaden your radiance in your living or dying, here on Earth. Live Heartfully, Dear Friends! Love, Maya
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 Hello Dear Friends,
Today I read the piece below, by poet Jan Richardson, to our hospice team. Though the poem is written as a comfort to those who have experienced a great loss, usually of a loved one, to my knowledge no one in our meeting was so bereft. Yet this poem for me speaks not only to the life-pivoting loss we each must come to know at the death of someone we care deeply for or even hinged our existence upon, but also to those many small daily losses - those that can, without our knowing, pile themselves upon us. Paper-thin layers of grief and emptiness, hopelessness and despair - at times so tiny we may not even notice them falling or may think them nothing. . . and yet, when we dip in to our own chests or bellies - - or realize we are avoiding doing so - - we may find that the weight there has left us unable to breathe, alone or starving in ways we feel we cannot bear. If this could be you, or someone you know, have a read of this gentle yet sturdy poem; see if it might reconnect you to something useful, something personally Heartful. . . Here you go: Blessing the House of the Heart If you could see the way this blessing has inscribed itself on every wall of your heart, writing its shining line across every doorway, tracing the edge of every window and table and hall-- if you could see this, you would never question where home is or whether it has a welcome for you. This blessing wishes to give you a glimpse. It will not tell you it has been waiting. It will not tell you it has been keeping watch. It would not want you to know just how long it has been holding this quiet vigil for you. It simply wants you to see what it sees, wants you to know what it knows-- how this blessing already blazes in you, illuminating every corner of your broken and beautiful heart. —Jan Richardson from The Cure for Sorrow |
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Rev. Maya Massar Archives
September 2023
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