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Welcome to the Blog page of Heartful Living and Dying.
Maya makes every effort to properly and respectfully credit any sources referenced in her blog posts, her Hospice IDT offerings, or Resources page; please report corrections or additions via the contact page.   If you wish to use material from this or any of Maya's websites, please email [email protected] for permission.  Maya lovingly requests that you credit her by sharing her name, website and contact links in written material,
and verbally as well if using material in live presentations.
Thank you so much, and May Your Living and Dying be Heartful, Friends!

And now, here is the Blog. . .

Memento Mori; Finally ONLINE!

1/31/2024

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For all who have been waiting, we are finally offering the
Memento Mori Conversations online, via zoom! 

Live, in person meetings in Bucksport and Castine will also be happening
(barring further illness, flooding or blizzards)! 

We know that February is not everyone's favorite time to head out of the house, and even one more meeting online can feel like overload, but we hope you will join us in opening space for gentle and authentic conversations about many people's least favorite topic: DEATH and DYING. 


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Note: All times are East Coast USA. You can find your time zone here:  
https://www.timeanddate.com/time/map/
Second Wednesdays, (Mid-Day) 12:00-1:30PM
ONLINE VIA ZOOM

Email [email protected] for the link!
Next Gatherings Wednesday:
2/14, 3/13, 4/17, 5/15

 
Second Wednesdays, (EVENINGS) 5:30-7:00PM
Castine Witherle Memorial Library

41 School Street, Castine, Maine 04421
207-326-4375 - [email protected]
https://witherlelibrary.net/
Next Gatherings Wednesday:
2/14, 3/13, 4/17, 5/15

 
Second Thursdays, (MORNINGS) 8:30-10:00AM
Bucksport Memorial Library

47 Main Street Bucksport, Maine 04416
(207) 469-2650 - [email protected]
https://www.bucklibrary.org/home
Next Gatherings Thursday:
2/8, 3/14, 4/11, 5/9




The following tenets are lightly modified from Circle of Trust Touchstones for Safe and Trustworthy Space,
Center for Courage & Renewal, founded by Parker J. Palmer.
As much as possible, we will hold our conversations within these:

1. Give and receive welcome. People learn best in hospitable spaces. In this circle we support each other’s learning by giving and receiving hospitality.

2. Be present as fully as possible. Be here with your doubts, fears and failings as well as your convictions, joys and successes, with your listening as well as your speaking.

3. What is offered in the circle is by invitation, not demand. This is not a “share or die” event! Share what and when your soul calls you to share. Your soul knows your needs better than anyone else does.

4. Speak your truth in ways that respect other people’s truth. Our views of reality may differ, but speaking one’s truth in a circle of trust does not mean interpreting, correcting or debating what others say. Speak from your center to the center of the circle, using “I” statements, trusting people to do their own sifting and discernment of what is right and true for them, as you do for yourself.

5. No fixing, saving, advising or correcting each other. This is one of the hardest guidelines for those of us who like to “help.” But it is vital to welcoming the soul, to making space for the inner wisdom of each soul to arise.

6. Learn to respond to others with honest, open questions. Do not respond with counsel or corrections. Using honest, open questions helps us “hear each other into deeper authenticity.”

7. When the going gets rough, turn to wonder. Turn from reaction and judgment to wonder and compassionate inquiry. Try saying to yourself “I wonder why they feel/think this way?” or “I wonder what my reaction teaches me about myself?” Set aside judgment to listen to others—and to yourself— more deeply.

8. Attend to your own inner teacher. We learn from others, of course. But as we explore stories, questions and silence in a circle of trust, we have a special opportunity to learn from within. So, pay close attention to your own reactions and responses, to your innermost – and most important - teacher.

9. Trust and learn from the silence. Silence is a gift in our noisy world, and a way of knowing in itself. Treat silence as a member of the group. After someone has spoken, take time to reflect without immediately filling the space with words.

10. Observe deep confidentiality. Safety is built when we can trust that our words and stories will remain with the people with whom we choose to share, and will not be repeated to others without our permission.

11. Speaking from Self: It has become popular to tell one’s own story using second person vocabulary (such as “when you face something like that, you are really scared”, rather than “I was really scared when I faced that.”) Using “I” statements and sharing from your own personal experience and feelings engages your most authentic self and invites deeper listening from others.

12. Gentleness: Intense feelings may rise up for you or others as rich topics are explored.  Be as kind and gentle with yourself and those around you as you might be for a tender child or any other beloved one; hold space for and be patient with whatever arises, and reach out for assistance if you need it.

13. Know that it’s possible to leave the circle with whatever it was that you needed when you arrived, and remind yourself that the seeds planted here can, and often do, sprout and grow in the days to come.


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One Step Back

1/24/2024

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Shifting thoughts shifts brain chemistry, which shifts not only the rest of our biochemistry, but our sense of mental and emotional well being.
 
I will invite you today to a mini-thought-change exercise.   

To begin, if you did not stretch like a waking cat yet today, reach your arms forward and/or upward, pulling them outward/upward, and allowing a breath or even a sound out as you stretch. 

Done?

Ok, good. We could all use a stretch, at least a little, to start our day, re-enliven our bodies for a moment mid-day, or shake off at the end of a day.

Settle in, wherever you are, to your comfiest position for this moment.

Imagine or bring to mind – just for a moment -  someone or some situation - that irritates or even dramatically upsets you.  Think about that person or thing, "YOUR DISTERESSOR", and let yourself feel what you feel.  Notice the type of distress – sorrow, loss, despair, anxiety, frustration, jealousy, fear, anger, even rage. . . Notice where in your body, heart, mind or spirit your distress lives.  Just notice.
 
Now we are going to do what I think might be one of the SIMPLEST well-being exercises that exists:

Now, in your mind’s eye, see yourself TAKE ONE STEP (as small or as big a step as you are called to take) – but take ONE STEP BACK from your distressor.  One step. 

Take a deep slow, lovely breath in, and slowly out.

Notice yourself OUTSIDE of the circle of circle of influence;
Notice the ways your body, heart, mind and spirit feel – is there more spaciousness?  Perhaps a sense of calm, or even freedom in your cells, maybe a recollection of your own center?
 
That is it. 
Place, if you wish, (as I usually suggest doing after an inner exercise), one hand on your belly and one on your heart to somatically ground the etheric work into your body, (so you can, hopefully, carry some of whatever SELF you accessed) with you into your day today.
 
One Step Back. It can be that simple.

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How to Help Your Gods Make Friends

1/10/2024

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Here, Friends, is a wonderful poem written my one of my Interfaith Spiritual Direction colleagues, 
John Janelle Backman, with who's permission I share it.  I find this poem's message to be everything from silly, sweet and uplifting, to deeply poignant and relevant to today's traumatized world.
I hope you enjoy it.

You can visit the poem where it was originally published: https://braidedway.org/how-to-help-your-god-make-friends/
And please visit the author's site here: www.backmanwriter.com/

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How to Help Your Gods Make Friends
- John Janelle Backman

Seat your god gently in a sandbox
with her favorite toys. Step back.
Let her look around, get acclimated.

When you know she’s ready, ask your friend
to place his god several feet away
and see what happens next. Don’t fuss

or intervene; just observe for now.
They’ll settle into parallel play 
for starters. Soon you’ll see that furtive 

exchange of glances, the hesitant
offering of a shovel, a stegosaurus. 
Before long, they’re playing together:

minarets may appear, shrines and stupas, 
mangers for baby gods—invisible 
to you but not to them. Suddenly

look: like magic, with no warning, 
your gods begin to look like each other. 
Savor their softer edges, their babble, 

the worlds they create together, how 
each evolves in the other’s presence. 
Forget about theology: 

No one makes this happen. It just does. 
Simply watch in awe or, even better,
do what your gods are doing: enjoy.



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SADLY, ANOTHER CANCELLATION OF MEMENTO MORI!!

1/10/2024

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Dear Friends,

We are once again cancelling tonights Memento Mori Conversations gathering!!
The Castine Library will be CLOSED,
due to weather; high winds, fallen trees, likely power outages, flooded roads and the fact that none of us should be out and about during such stuff!

I APOLOGIZE yet again to all who had hoped to attend.

Tomorrow morning's Bucksport Library gathering is ALSO CANCELLED.

On the up side, February's ONLINE gathering is in the works! 
We hope you will join us there (barring invasion from outer space or whatnot. . .).

Please email [email protected] if you would like to be added to the mailing list.

See you soon!
(And my Mainers, stay safe and dry!)

Much Love,
Rev. Maya

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"Sometimes People Just Need To Talk..."

1/10/2024

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Photo credit: BBC. Please visit Radio Canada International's article on Richard Wagamese HERE.
tRichard Wagamese's book "EMBERS; One Ojibway's Meditations" is filled with powerful, down to Earth, meditations, prayers and philosophies by this beloved Indigenous Canadian author.  You can learn about Wagamese here:  www.thecanadianencyclopedia.ca/en/article/richard-wagamese

Today, I shared this meditation with my hospice team.  We all work hard to serve our patients, families and one another.  All of us - wherever we work or play - know the complexities of caring for others in times of stress.  Sometimes, the task feels overwhelming.  We can feel entangled in the complexity of  being human, of what caring for one another means, and the many layers of need, desire, pain. . . Yet Wagamese reminds us that caring does not necessarily need to be complicated.  He calls us to remember one simple, yet profound, fact:

"Sometimes, people just need to talk."


“Sometimes people just need to talk.
They need to be heard. They need the validation of my time, my silence, my unspoken compassion.
They don't need advice, sympathy or counselling.
They need to hear the sound of their own voices speaking their own truths, articulating their own feelings, as those may be at a particular moment.
Then, when they're finished, they simply need a nod of the head, a pat on the shoulder or a hug.
I'm learning that sometimes silence really is golden, and that sometimes "Fuck, eh?" is as spiritual a thing as needs to be said.”

 


Click the image below to purchase Richard Wagames's wonderful book of meditations.
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Next MEMENTO MORI Conversations Date:

1/2/2024

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5:30-7:00 Evening,
Wednesday January 10th

Witherle Memorial Library
41 School Street, Castine, Maine 04421

and

8:30-10:00 Morning,
Thursday January 11th

Bucksport Memorial Library
47 Main Street Bucksport, Maine 04416

Visit the
Memento Mori page HERE.


Join the mailing list for updates by EMAILING [email protected]
(put Memento Mori in the subject line.)


Hope to see you there!











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HOW TIRED WE ARE

1/2/2024

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We are TIRED.  The number of people - friends, family, clients, patients, co-workers - who have recently shared with me that they are tired, depressed, confused, find themselves "falling apart", has shown me something - and maybe not what you might expect; it has shown me that we are are alive and functioning!

It maybe that your life offers you many personal struggles. It may be that you are overworked, underpaid, unseen, misheard, struggling with physical or emotional or spiritual pain, have health issues, have family issues, have cars or homes that are in need of repair, or any number of so many possible difficulties may be in your orbit.   And any one of these things (and most of us face more than one at a time) might be what you place your sense of exhaustion or hopelessness upon.  And you might be one of so many of us, as several of my dear friends have recently shared with me, asking "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?"

Here is my answer to them and to any of you experiencing overwhelm of any sort:

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

In fact, what you are experiencing shows that your system is functioning perfectly - the world right now is not a place of ease or peacefulness. The fact that your system is registering this is proof that your humanity is alive - fatigue or despair or anger or grief - these are a healthy being's response to an unhealthy world.  Those who believe they are NOT affected by what is taking pace are the one's with "something wrong". 

Our physical forms are DESIGNED to PERCEIVE; designed to receive information from our environments, assess how these things affect us, and give us messages as to how to proceed. 
We hear, see, touch, smell, taste, intuit - and then our system tells us what to do:
We are sad: time to cry, mourn, go within and mend
We are hurt: time to retreat, be heard, be held and mend
We are angered: time to speak out, stand up for injustice, make change - and mend
We are exhausted: time to slow our intake, find darkness and warmth, sleep, dream and mend
We are indignant: time to right wrongs, make life changes, support others, collectively mend
. . . any experience your good, receptive physical form is functional enough to share with you - this experience IS YOUR HUMANITY, it is your being sharing with you what is called for.

And this:
Remember that you are bearing not only your own burdens and those of the people close to you, but because we are receptive beings, and because, ultimately we are part of the larger circle of life on Earth, YOUR GOOD, RECEPTIVE BEING IS FEELING THE TRUTH OF THE PAIN OF ALL WHO ARE SUFFERING AROUND OUR GLOBE RIGHT NOW, and that is no small thing.

From that perspective, the fact that you are scared, tired, depressed (etc) is A SIGN THAT YOU ARE ALIVE; It is the very opposite of "something wrong" with you - in fact, anyone who does not have access to feelings of despair or fatigue right now - the unfeeling, disconnected - those are the souls who are not functioning well.

To be tired when the world is so wrong for so many, when leadership has proven itself incapable of leading with heart and integrity, when media is untrustworthy, when political and economic and social systems no longer serve humanity - to FEEL TIRED from all this means YOU ARE FUNCTIONING APPROPRIATELY. 

Yes. We know that it is important to take breaks from horrors, to find specks of Light, to offer moments of respite or care for others and self, to find laughter in our long days, to eat well and rest if and when we can - yes, we must do these things.  But what we must not do, is add to our stresses by mistaking how we feel for something wrong with us; it is not.

And this:
EVEN IF you had NONE of the personal issues that feel so heavy, even IF there were no great world traumas in action at this time - feeling tired in the northern hemisphere, as winter deepens into itself, is not a thing that is wrong with you; it is a sign that you are in tune with the rhythms of nature, with the turning of the Earth upon whom we reside.  THESE ARE TIMES IN WHICH EVERYTHING IN NATURE SLOWS - RESTS - eats less, crawls into dark places, piles upon itself layers of warmth, and finds it's heavy form entering the dreamtime for what may now be some months.

I am aware that most of us do not have the privilege of hibernating for weeks on end.  But what we CAN do is be a little kinder to ourselves and one another. Recognize that moments of rest are not weakness, moments of despair are not "something wrong with us", but rather these are signs that we are alive, connected and that our good bodies and souls are doing what they were designed to do.

I wish you all gentleness in these ungentle times.
I wish you connection with what your heart most needs.
I wish you bits of sweetness among the thorns.
And that in your solitude you are graceful with yourself
And in your communing with others that you remember that no other is ever truly other.

Live as Heartfully as you are able Dear Fellow Earth Dwellers.
Love,
Rev. Maya

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    Author:

    Rev. Maya Massar

    You Are Here:
    www.HeartfulLivingandDying.com

    You Can  Go Here:
    Stone & Star Interfaith Spiritual Direction

    Or Here:
    WindFire Ministries

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    There is also This:
    Community Health & Counseling Services Hospice Spiritual Advisor

    And If You Prefer Silliness, Here is Maya's Friend Noco, the 23 year old Blue and Gold Macaw on IG:
    @orinocothepirate

    Physical address:
    Please email us if you are scheduled for an in-person session with Maya.

    Snail Mail:
    P.O. Box 268
    Sainte-Anne-du-Lac, Quebec
    J0W1V0

    514-210-0338
    [email protected]

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    CLICK HERE

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