. . . And how would I know?

[NOTE TO MY FRIENDS WHO LIKE COLORS AND ACTION BITS: That part is further down!]

Since we become who we are in specifically flavored arenas - country, culture, class, tribe, family, habits, teachings, religion, climate, food, education, exposure to others and on and on. . . so very many pieces of the puzzle make up who we come to identify as . . .  How do we know when our beleifs and feelings are "true" or parts of a biased beleif structure?  Most of us assume that "we are who we are" and that our views are based in "truth", "rightness" and/or our own "objective observations" of our experiences in the world. . . and are therefore "the way things are".  But is this true?

I believe that the majority of us live in a dualistic reality; one in which on one level we embrace our own views as grounded, realistic truth - - and another level on which we are aware that our views - as well as everyone else's - are subjective; based on or influenced by personal tastes, viewpoints and most of all our life experiences. 

The question arises, then, how could we know when our thinking or beliefs are biased on or in any given topic or situation?  And further, how might we correct our biases when they often run so deep we feel them not only in our thoughts and emotions, but in our bodies?

Dr. Toby Atkins (of Community Health and Counseling Services, Maine) and I recently had the privilege of hosting the third of a series of workshops on Integrating Spirituality in Healthcare.  Our focus in this meeting (for those who were not in attendance) was the topic of Bias; as health care workers, we want to make sure that we are treating all our patients in as loving a way as possible. Our staff want to do the work of recognizing and transforming our biases. I think ultimately all huam beings would like to be seen and cared for with equal compassion.  How do we get there in a world so full of reasons to judge and hold grudge?

 One of our brilliant doctors present at the session brought up an issue of most importance.  She shared that she had been to many trainings on biases, and, unfortunately, while they seem well-intended and even well attended, the trainings do not seem to generate CHANGE in the actual beliefs and behavior of those who take the trainings.  To me, this is a monumentally troubling note.  The obvious question needing attention is:

Why is this so?

While I am no statistics expert, from my own experience in both learning for myself and training others, I believe bias training failure is due to a slightly misguided focus in bias training programs.  Only time will tell if I am correct, but here is what I think;  Most bias trainings focus on the THINGS WE HAVE BIASES TOWARD. That is, trainings attempt to offer us new information that may "change our minds"  on topics we may have felt one way about,  hoping that new facts, numbers, outcomes  and intellectual exposure etc. may give us enough information that we will no longer shun whomever or whatever we previously shunned.

Yet even the most compelling facts do not seem to have effect when biases - implicit or otherwise - are in play;  ". . . conventional training isn’t working, research suggests. In a 2019 meta-analysis of more than 490 studies involving some 80,000 people, the psychologist Patrick Forscher and his colleagues found that UB training did not change biased behavior." (Note, in writing this post, I googled "when Bias Training doesn't work", and found this terrific Harvard Business Review article on the topic, affirming my own findings.  You can take a look via the link at the end of this blog post)**

That article (link at the bottom of this post) goes on to affirm what I have seen and believe; that bias training must offer more than a litany of what is wrong with biased views and which new views participants "should" embrace.  A true change can only be made when we have not only the willingness, but the tools with which to A). Recognize our biases, B). Understand how we came by them and the depth to which they go within our being (are they thoughts and ideas we have misguidedly come to believe but can change with simply learing new information - - and this is what many bias trainings have been based on - - or are they emotionally embedded, and set off triggers for us that are likely linked to much deeper, familial or cultural membership; or could they arise from an even more difficult place within us - the somatic, or body-deep, neuropathways in the brain which may take special tools or even assistance from outside help to heal and transform??)  and C). Ongoing, guided exposure to and interaction with real individuals from the group one has held biases against.

With the tools of observation-skills, guided-de-and-reconstruction and interactive exposure, biases can - and as I and others have seen - actually generate change.  We are speaking, of course, in the realm of psychology, psychological healing and growth - and if we go deeper on the same strata, we are going to need to discuss the neuroscience of the matter - the fact that the brain has this fantastic neuroplasticity and CAN CHANGE, with the right tools in hand.  . . . so, lets look for a moment at what those tools might be. . .

We know that the skills of self observation, introspection and an ability to see ones' self with a degree of objectivity are necessary.  We know that assistance from the outside - whether in the form of research or conversation with those holding different information - is necessary. We know that guided exposure to and day to day interaction with the folks we have held biases towards is required. We also know that the level of depth of our bias needs tending to (again, mental bias is thought based - requires new ideas; emotional bias is feeling-based - requires personal review, often deep processing; somatic or body-deep bias - likely requiring a trained professional assisting us with somatic healing techniques to unearth the roots of what may currently manifest as a visceral experience of dread, as in PTSD)

If the goal is for each of us to transform our biases, how on Earth to we embark on what seems like such a time-consuming, overwhelming task?

I am aware that after reading all this, finding, facing and undoing our biases sounds like pretty exhaustingly daunting focus.  But fear not - the beginning is so much simpler than all of what you have read so far!  There is a thing we can ALL start with, regardless of how big or little our work ahead may be.  Here is a fact that takes NO change to embrace - you can engage with this truth no matter where you are on your journey. Even if you do not wish to change your bias towrds a particular group, you can engage in this exercise for your own well-being!! 

It is this:

NO HEALING TAKES PLACE WITHOUT A SENSE OF SAFETY AND ACCEPTANCE OF ALL OF WHO AND WHAT WE ARE, RIGHT NOW, IN THIS VERY MOMENT.

Before we go further, I will offer a little blurb on what, in psychology, is known as
UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD.
You will need this info, because I am going to ask you to conjure it towards a formidable enemy. . .

No change without U.P.R.?
Ok then.

This means that your first task, no matter what else is true, is to begin with accepting that most formidable (as I mentioned above) enemy; can you guess who that is?  It is yourself - and at first, thank goodness, this does NOT entail changing anything! 
Here are some steps you can take, if and when you are ready. 
Are you ready? 
Here you go:

My big point here is this:  We could all, always, use more positive regard; it is how we become better humans. 

A special thank you to all of you who made it through this entire post!
And to all of you who are doing the work; LOVE is not easy, it is a warrior's task and my bias is that any who do not acknowledge this have not yet encountered or conjured the courage to have risen to the task.

Blessed Loving, Friends.
Live, and Die, Heartfully. (In the end, what else have we?)
Warmly and as Always,
with Love,
Maya

**Read the full article here: Harvard Business Review

Good Morning Friends,

This is a quickie: I am lifting up a blog post by David Auten, who like myself, is a hospice chaplain with a blog! 

His self-description (from his blogsite):
David is a writer and spiritual counselor working with hospice patients and their families in San Diego, California. He is a graduate of Yale Divinity School and the author of four books, including most recently Leaving God Behind from Wipf and Stock Publishers. A former martial artist, pastor, and teacher of religion and philosophy, David is known for his caring demeanor, conversational style, and appreciation for the dark asymmetries of life.

I particularly like David's latest post and wanted to share it with you all - specifically those of you who feel there is something different about yourself, something that makes you unique, in whatever way. . . 
(which - or who - guess what - - is ALL OF US.)

The title is PEOPLE ARE STRANGE.  Please enjoy a read of it HERE.

Windborne is an AMAZING vocal group, who's style embraces ancient music and most innovative arrangements. . . but more importantly, on the topic of Heartful Living and Dying, for some, their music has a timelessness to it that can open our hearts to both our own very personal joys and sorrows, and also to our shared thread of being human, whomever or wherever or whenever we are blessed to be so in our short journey here on Earth.

The music of Windborne is goose-bump-making on it's own, but add to that the fierce, compassionate souls who make up the band (Lauren Breunig, Jeremy Carter-Gordon, Lynn Rowan, and Will Rowan "share a vibrant energy onstage with a blending of voices that can only come from decades of friendship alongside dedicated practice") and their dedication to making our world a better place. 

An excerpt from their website (link below):
"With a 20-year background studying polyphonic music around the world, Lauren Breunig, Jeremy Carter-Gordon, Lynn Rowan, and Will Rowan share a vibrant energy onstage with a blending of voices that can only come from decades of friendship alongside dedicated practice. The ensemble shifts effortlessly between drastically different styles of music, drawing their audience along on a journey that spans continents and centuries, illuminating and expanding on the profound power and variation of the human voice. The singers educate as they entertain, sharing stories about their songs and explaining the context and characteristics of the styles in which they sing."

I urge you to have a listen, and allow what magic the music may have for you to move your cellular matter, heart or spirit wherever you most need to be today. . .

And
Whether that be to touch your deepest, most authentic grief
or
Your brightest, most expansive joy

May you hear the echos of your own heart's song in all you encounter, now, and in every moment of your precious, Heartful, Living and Dying.

With Love,
Rev. Maya

To learn more, visit their website HERE:   https://www.windbornesingers.com/

Listen to Windborne (Stabat Mater - Windborne - Mont-Saint-Michel)
HERE:  https://youtu.be/PH3eUSPvWX8

This is a fun deconstruction of their method of creating music: 
https://youtu.be/tNEYREa0fzs

And here is a song full of both joy and mourning, for all of us to think about, no matter what stage of Heartful Living or Dying we are in (When I'm Gone): 
https://youtu.be/OMgsAZGLx6c

I want to do two things here today  - First is to lift up the amazing work of Julie McFadden.
1:
In her own words: "I educate people on the death and dying process and help them through it. I believe that people should know about the dying process BEFORE they're actually going through it with a loved one or themselves."

Indeed, through her social media platforms, many interviews and podcasts and news articles which feature her work, Julie is changing the way people experience death and the process of dying. I highly recommend checking out what she has to offer; from discussions on the fear of death and dying, to very practical tools for the journey, including videos showing the body's natural process of dying, Julie makes the mysterious familiar.  And, as we all know, what you KNOW is never as scary as what fear imagines.  Julie is doing a phenomenal job of bringing awareness to the process of death and dying.

2:
The second thing I want to discuss here is the idea of a "bad" death.  This is the one arena in which my view differs from Julie's.  I suggest that you consider both, and then, from a place of your own discernment, make decisions for yourself or your loved ones.

In one of her videos, Julie shares what she calls a "bad death".  You can view it
HERE: https://www.tiktok.com/@hospicenursejulie/video/7203928084205079851

I would venture to say that most - or many - of us in the western world would agree with Julie's view on the young man in question's death.  What I want to discuss here, however, is that this is not a universal viewpoint.  There are cultures, religions and individual souls for whom "comfort" is not the pinnacle or goal of life or the process of dying. 

Yes, most agree that SUFFERING is not a preferred experience, and that shifting suffering is a worthy focus.  However, HOW one shifts suffering may differ.  For example, generally speaking, in the western world and western healthcare, the method for shifting suffering is usually medical intervention. That is, if there is pain, give pain-reducing medicine. If there is anxiety, give medicine that alleviates anxiety. If there is difficulty breathing, give medicine that relieves that difficulty.  Etc.    But in some other cultural, religious or personal viewpoints, one might see suffering as an opportunity for spiritual and/or psychological evolution - perhaps to become more present, to let go of striving, to free one's mind from an illusion of separateness or the misconception that who or what we ARE must be anchored to the body or personality.

I raise this issue because our goal in end-of-life care in hospice is TO SUPPORT THE DYING in manifesting their wishes and doing their dying process as they wish to do it.  If this is so, it is important for us - as hospice workers, as friends, as family and for anyone who is care-giving at end of life - to think beyond our own ideas of "a good death" or "a bad death", and open to whatever may be the truth for the person we are serving.

My own mother's death was a learning experience for me.  She went through many feelings and desires along the journey, but ultimately, she shared that the purpose of life was NOT to "feel good" but to EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING!  At one point, after a night of excruciating pain (for a number of reasons due to location and miscommunication, we had no access to pain meds even if we had wanted them), my mother, knowing that she had perhaps a day left to live, said "What I would give for just one more day - even the worst day of my life!" I was shocked. This was a woman who had had many very rough days in her life - days most of us would do much to avoid every having to face. "Even the WORST day?" I asked. . . "Yes", she shared, "When you have all your days ahead, you think it is all about having "good" days, but when you have no more, you realize that just getting to experience things - even the worst thing - is a gift."  Her words changed the way I viewed hardship from that day going forward in my life and to this day.  I am much more curious about - rather than dreading of - the hardships I encounter.  This view, in and of itself, has lessened my suffering on a daily basis.

Meanwhile, in some spiritual traditions (several Buddhist ones come to mind), consciously being present with pain, struggle, fear or other "difficult" emotions, sensations and experiences, may be seen as an opportunity, rather than something to be avoided.  Learning to "bear witness" to hardship, to spiritually expand one's ability to contain yet be larger than an experience does build us in so many ways. If this has not been your focus or practice, it may seem brutal; yet do we not owe it to those we care for to honor THEIR choice, EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS TERRIFYING OR PAINFUL TO US?? 
In my opinion, YES, we do.

Whatever our personal beliefs are about how a person "should" face their death, pain and suffering, it is good to know that ours is not the only way.  If we say that our mission is to be in service of another, is not that other's desire then to be lifted up before our own? And if we feel we must impose our own views over theirs, might we not take a step back and imagine what it would be like to have our own views disregarded for someone else's?

Whether you see suffering as a thing to be mitigated at all cost and would prefer total unconsciousness to any pain, OR if you see pain as a thing to be embraced as opportunity for experiential growth (or if your own view is some combination of these extremes), it is my hope that you might explore opening to the fact that not everyone will choose what you would, and that this exploration might gift you a wider view for the next time you are honored with the task of supporting another who has their own views and hopes for their very personal, very sacred last weeks, days, months, hours or moments here on Earth.

Here are a few websites to investigate further. . .

An article on assessing and managing pain for Buddhist patients - CLICK HERE.
HERE is more on Buddhism.
THIS LINK is to an article where the author considers matters of pain avoidance.
MORE THOUGHTS on spirituality and pain.

Hello Again Dear Humans & Angels. . .

Every one of us who has made it to adulthood (and many of us who are still very young) has/have experienced immense LOSS of one kind or another.  One thing science and psychology knows about grief in loss is this:

To deny emotion does not spare you of it; rather, it loads your undercurrents and deep self with a heaviness that can show up as physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual un-wellness. . .  this can manifest in actual physical ailment, deep disconnection from a sense of aliveness, mental confusion and alienation from life, others, and even ones self.  It can leave us either sleepless or un-endingly drowsy - either way, exhausted. It can render us helpless and hopeless to face our moments or so anxious we can barely breathe.

The other side of the coin of unwellness is the potential for SUPER-wellness.  While science tells us that to withhold our feelings can cause great damage to our beings, it also shows us that those who courageously and willingly allow their emotions full and open expression, will find that on the other side there awaits a  wealth of healing, energy, and even new roads of hope and possibility.  More physical energy and freedom from aches and pains, emotional fluidity and connectedness, mental clarity and hopeful thinking, and often a spiritual growth or awareness one didn't have access to before. At the very least, and at the beginning of grief's journey, one may find a moment or three of stillness in the midst of the storm. . .

Yet for many of us, accessing our grief - no matter what sort of loss we have experienced - is not always easy.  Whether your loss is past, present or to come; whether it is of human life, pets, places or things, perhaps a listen to the song below (or any other music that softens your heart) might open a gateway to your grieving. If so, welcome it. Set a time and space to fully FEEL the power of loss, the depth of how fully you LOVED what you are losing, and be open to the river as it carries you - yes, perhaps for a time right through the pit of despair, and into the caves of the dragon of ache. . . but if you stay with it, if you are willing and able to follow grief's lead, look into the mirror your pain offers you - you will likely find on the other side that grief leaves you up on a drier shore; a shore that has a bit more stillness to it than the one you left; a shore that offers a spot of rest, a slightly slower or deeper breath.  Grief may require that you make this journey several times to the depths and back again before you have expressed all that is there for you to feel.  If you can know that Grief is not your enemy, but rather a well that forms you to a new version of yourself, one that encompasses rather than needs what you once had - and will always love - then you may, eventually, find yourself with a level of tranquility, grace and well-being you never knew you had.

Ready to fall in?  Listen to this (or any other music that opens you to wherever your heart needs to go):
Lewis Capaldi - Wish You The Best (Official Video)
https://youtu.be/QZLxVvLyKTo *

I wish you deep journeying and a gentle return.
 Much Love,
Maya

*Thank you Lynn Frances Anderson for making me aware of this song that so powerfully dumps most of us into our good and powerful Grief.

Whether you celebrate the arrival of spring with May baskets, flowers and good wishes to your neighbors, or with joyful dancing and honoring of the season of fertility and abundance with ritual and Magick, here is a wish/prayer/hope for you:

• That the coming of warmer days outside may bring you warmth within you as well
• That the lengthening of days may bring you ever more minutes of awareness of the light of your own heart
• That the unfurling of green leaves all around you remind you of your own growing wisdom (no matter what stage of living or dying your body is currently in)
• That the blossoming of colorful flower petals and their delicate and abundant scent all around us catalyze your own fabulous potential to create and offer your soul's most glorious petals to those you love
• That whatever you dream, think, say or do may be enlivened by the season, and Heartfully experienced by YOU.

No matter whether your time here on Earth is measured in decades, years, months, weeks, hours, minutes or moments, may the coming of May remind you that those moments are precious and that no matter how you may judge your life/time in your physical body, there is wisdom to be harvested from all of it . . .

What have you learned - and do you learn in each moment - from all you have experienced? And if you are so inclined, how might you wish to share that wisdom? Or, how might it serve you to hold it in sacred privacy, close to your own heart?

A POWERFUL, COLORFUL, WISE & HEARTFUL SPRING AWAKENING
TO EACH AND ALL!
Live - and Die - Heartfully, Friends.
With Love Always,
Rev. Maya

Greetings Friends,

Yesterday, I had the profound honor of offering space for hospice staff at Community Health & Counseling Services to enter into some deep rest and renewal.  As many of you know, Rest & Renewal Sessions, Rituals and Events are some of my regular offerings (CLICK HERE FOR WINDFIRE MINISTRIES REST & RENEWAL SESSIONS), but it was a special privilege to make some sacred Renewal time for these hard working human beings.  I was deeply moved by the raw authenticity, expansive hearts and impeccable integrity with which participants shared, supported one another and expressed love for the work - for patients, families and co-workers - they each love so completely. 

We sought and found lost parts of ourselves, shared deeply, did some somatic cleansing exercises, rested and re-energized one another, and planted seeds of hopes and dreams we want to see come to fruition this year. . .  Isn't this what Springtime is for??

I want to take this moment also, to say (yet again) that if you or your family experienced anything other than utmost respect, kindness and support in a hospice experience, you were in the wrong place. Hospice, at it's best, is nothing more and nothing less than a WHOLE TEAM OF FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS WHO ARE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU (or your loved one).  I have worked with three hospice organizations, and each has had at the center of it's purpose,
the aim and intention to HONOR THE PATIENT'S WISHES. 
Hospice is there to make your lived moments all you can hope for them to be; not only to mitigate pain (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) - which we are quite good at doing - but to make your moments here on Earth as full of delight and wonder, love and connection, life-healing, meaning-making, and a sense of personal completion - even JOY - as possible. 

The staff I work with are committed so deeply to the task of supporting you and your family; they work overtime, show up at all hours, make referrals when you need them, carry you in their hearts throughout your journey with us - and well beyond.  Hospice is not about "it's time to die" - hospice is about enlisting a team of devoted humans to support you in
LOVING THE MOMENTS YOU HAVE AS BEST YOU CAN. 

My personal belief is that we should ALL have the benefits of hospice - all through life!!  Imagine this:  You have a compassionate and knowledgeable doctor who deeply listens to your story; nurses who come to know you intimately and offer a compassionate ear as well as expert medical training, experience and access to medications and any equipment you might need for comfort in your life; a social worker who is familiar with the ins and outs of writing a will, having your health and death wishes set up legally, can connect you to services you or your family will need upon your death, offer bereavement support to your loved ones; a spiritual advisor who has NO AGENDA other than to be present with you on your own terms - a fellow human being who is there to discuss all the many issues around fear and grace in living and dying, after life or not, whether you are deeply religious or full on atheist; a home health aide to assist with any physical needs such as bathing or moving a tired body; and even a volunteer who shows up to read to you or help with chores or just give you a moment of joy in the midst of all life piles upon us. . . and that regularly, this devoted team meets to discuss HOW THEY CAN BETTER SERVE YOU IN MAKING YOUR LIFE WHAT YOU WANT IT TO BE, no matter how much or how little time you may have on this precious journey we call Life.  Your team will facilitate you in making amends or completing tasks or gathering family. They will assist you in learning about what to expect. They will do their best to show up when you need them. They will help you communicate with distanced loved ones, write letters to those you feel you can't speak with, offer kindness in the face of your deepest fears and celebrate with you as you harvest the learnings your life offers you.

Hospice is a magical, meaningful tribe that gathers with you in honor of you.

Again, I was so moved to be there for these fabulous people who are there for so many.
Thank you Bangor office, for trusting and risking and so bravely loving your patients, one another, and your selves.

Live and Die Heartfully, Dear Friends.
Much Love,
Maya



PS: To inquire about Community Health & Counseling Services Hospice or Home Healthcare:
 
Bangor Contact Information:

• Address: 42 Cedar Street
• Home Health & Hospice: 207-947-0366
• Mental Health: 207-947-0366

Machias Contact Information:

• Address: 15 Kids Corner
• Home Health & Hospice: 207-255-8311
• Mental Health: 207-255-6786

Other areas:
https://www.chcs-me.org/contact/