DEATH AS A LIFE-ENHANCING PARTNER

Beautiful Memento Mori artwork by Jessica Behance  https://www.harkenback.com.au/#/memento-mori-2/

 A huge thank you to all our participants in April's Memento Mori Conversations - your beautifully courageous and authentic sharing and support of one another was/is so gorgeous and hope-making in thee times of so much world-wide nd personal trauma.  I am honored to be present with each and all of you.

Today, our jump-off topic was Death as a Life Enhancing Partner.  I shared some of my own experience companioning people at end-of-life and some science around the concept that mortality salience (or, consciousness around one's mortality - awareness of death) can actually be of more value than simply reducing fear of death and dying, but might offer us a doorway through which we can live more fully as our authentic self/selves (I allow this to be both a comment to a collective of human beings OR aspects of self). 

I referenced an article in Scientific American on the topic, by Michael W. Weiderman, in Scientific American,
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/thinking-about-death-can-make-life-better/
which described the outcomes of studies on adults who had been faced with their own or others' impending death. The studies showed that deep awareness of one's mortality shifted people's life-focus from extrinsic (such as material success and power) to intrinsic values (such as cultivating  relationships, doing creative work and developing as a person.

Further, we discussed that self development that includes discovering and LIVING BY one's CORE VALUES can raise our sense of fulfillment in life - whether we are actually fulfilling our values or simply working towards living them fully.  What makes life fulfilling, it seems, is knowing those values, aiming for them - AND being free to be authentically ourselves.

I shared a list of some potential "core Values" with the group, and individuals discovered their own not on the list.  Are yours here?

We also explored these questions:

The content of our group discussion is held in compassionate confidentiality, but perhaps in reading this something here will spark your own deepening into whatever your heart holds most true.  In these times in which "truth" and "authenticity" are more endangered than any time in recent history, finding your own, b4eing in community (even if only online) with others who see you for who you really are, and living by your innermost values may be one of the few keys to finding a sense of inner peace or even joy, EVEN as we pas through a gauntlet of very difficult things.  In your last moments - or any of your moments, are you not most fulfilled by shaking off masks and falsehoods and expressing your deepest self?

Most of the dying people I have worked with have shared that it was only in truly facing their end, their death, that they allowed themselves to be who and what they truly were, and that this, even if only in the last months, weeks, days or in some cases, hours, was the most joy and fulfillment that they had known in their lifetime.

The good news is that you can invite awareness of your death NOW, and - perhaps - have more years of fulfillment than you might have had if Death were not your Life-Enhancing Partner.

In closing, I once again shared Shawna Lamay's wonderful poem, in which she wishes us, in remembrance of death, to LIVE, FULLY:

In Lieu of Flowers

Although I love flowers very much, I won’t see them when I’m gone. So in lieu of flowers:  Buy a book of poetry written by someone still alive, sit outside with a cup of tea, a glass of wine, and read it out loud, by yourself or to someone, or silently.
Spend some time with a single flower. A rose maybe. Smell it, touch the petals.
Really look at it. 
Drink a nice bottle of wine with someone you love.
Or, Champagne. And think of what John Maynard Keynes said, “My only regret in life is that I did not drink more Champagne.” Or what Dom Perignon said when he first tasted the stuff: “Come quickly! I am tasting stars!” 
Take out a paint set and lay down some colours.
Watch birds. Common sparrows are fine. Pigeons, too. Geese are nice. Robins.
In lieu of flowers, walk in the trees and watch the light fall into it. Eat an apple, a really nice big one. I hope it’s crisp. 
Have a long soak in the bathtub with candles, maybe some rose petals.
Sit on the front stoop and (really) watch the clouds. Have a dish of strawberry ice cream in my name. 
If it’s winter, have a cup of hot chocolate outside for me. If it’s summer, a big glass of ice water. 
If it’s autumn, collect some leaves and press them in a book you love. I’d like that. 
Sit and look out a window and write down what you see. Write some other things down. 
In lieu of flowers, 
I would wish for you to flower. 
I would wish for you to blossom, to open, to be beautiful.

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